Letters to my husband

I married him four years ago and I cared for him deeply and I obviously thought he felt the same.

It wasn’t love but it was a mutual respect and admiration. We were best friends and we accepted each other’s imperfections.

We didn’t live together right away, he was not ready to move in and I wasn’t in a hurry to let him. It took three or four months and it was pretty smooth sailing.

I started to feel love for him, starting to fall in love and one drunken night I summoned up the courage to tell him.

It was three years ago, our first time going out. Ever. This was the first time he met my best friends, heard me singing. It was what I thought, a crazy, fun night.

We are lying in bed and I tell him I love him and he tells me that he already knew and that I shouldn’t fall in love with him. My husband told me not to fall in love with him. I cried and fell asleep.

Things were never the same. I took his words to heart and didn’t allow myself to fall in love. I cared for him and nothing more. When a man tells you not to fall in love, you listen to that motherfucker.

Four years later there is no marriage, there’s nothing but this very superficial existence. When he wants ass he comes home early and eats what I’ve prepared for dinner, asks if I want to watch a movie, fucks me and tells me goodnight

So much has happened in between that I have decided to share it with people who know nothing of me because it needs to come out I suppose. The disappointment and the daily humiliations.

I am not by any means a weak woman, in fact those who know me will say I AM the strongest woman they know and I suppose because I am so strong I am still standing with my head held up high and ready to end this when what has to be done has been done.

Letters to my husband will be my diary. My way of telling him all the things I won’t tell him to his face, not because I am afraid but because I feel sorry for him because once I leave him, he will never be the same.

Dear husband 

Dear husband, 

How did it feel to not have a cake, gift or even a birthday text for your birthday. First time in 4 years.

It took everything to keep from going all out like I always do but you have shown me time and time again that you truly don’t give a fuck about me.

So today I finally got everything off my chest and now you have gone radio silent. You are getting what you thought you wanted.

You want ass and dinner on the table and you also want to come in and out as you please. Well when you don’t feel the need to tell the person you share a bed with your whereabouts that means you’re single.

Since you are now single you will not touch me again. Eat my food again nor will you be traveling with me again because hey you want to act single then there you have it.

Single men don’t get to go home to a woman who takes care of them, feed them, wash their clothes nothing. So I hope you enjoy coming home to nothing because I will continue to not say a fucking word to you.

This game is over. Have it your way. 

Dear husband 

Dear husband, 

I just landed back on U.S. soil and you still have no idea I was out of the country. I asked you on Wednesday if you could watch the dog while I was out of town and you said yes and asked when I was leaving.

I left Thursday morning without saying a word to you but then again you didn’t say a word to me when you got home in the middle of the night. 

You finally text me on Sunday night to ask if I was already home because the dog needed to be fed and I told you I wouldn’t come home until Monday. You said see you tomorrow.

I guess you’ll know by my tan and souvenirs that I was in Cancun and yo will be a dick about it. 

I thank you for showing me daily how much you don’t give a shit about me. I will be leaving you soon.

Dear husband

Dear husband,

We haven’t spoken much in about a week. You make it a point to come home when you know I’m sleeping. 

I know this is your birthday weekend and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to be home on Thanksgiving Day and that’s alright because I’m not going to be home.

Happy birthday husband. I’ll be in Cancun with one of my best friends. He’s not embarrassed to be seen with me and actually has an interest in talking to me.

This is not an affair, my best friend likes boys. I suppose you will find out tonight that I’m going out of town. Perhaps when you see my luggage in the guest room. 

I bet no one will bake you a cake or get you a nice gift like I would have. But these are the things you will miss when I’m gone.

See you in a few days… take good care of the dog.